The truth is that it is not how I hoped it would be. It is not what I wanted. It is not what I needed. It wasn’t then, and it isn’t now. Truth. Sometimes it is easier to hope for different. To want for different. Sometimes its easier to say, ‘Hey, I’ll do all the footwork’ in a hope that things will change. And, sometimes you just need someone who loves you to the moon and back to take you by the hand and tell you how much they wish it was different, but its not. Its the truth. It cuts through space and time to what matters most. It sets us free.
I find myself in the eye of the storm. It’s painful and shoots out in familiar tones through time and space. It’s no mistake of course. My body has broken open in a hallelujah of ecstasy open to the sky – a relief in holding decades of grief and lost hope, mixed with a simultaneous desire to reach and climb out of that which my healer has gifted to me.
And, in this moment to turn away from trying to explain the pain and the human stories it emerges from, and instead to stand here at the mouth of the cave and say that this is where I find myself to be. And, maybe in this telling the bandages that have bound me start to fall free.
