Longing
Longing for soft cool greening wood under tiny feet
My father’s voice
Wind ruffled sun bleached hair
For times of laughter
Smiles long forgotten
Layered aching memories
Lost somewhere between
Circling islands
Unmet shorelines
I long to drift again
In front of landscapes shared
To find slivers of utter brilliance
Connecting us across veils
To whisper thank you
I love you
I miss you
To buy a boat
My mother whispers
Cool waters
Waiting
Inviting
Aching
My father’s unmet dreams
My small self’s wish
Something beyond
Something yet unseen
To drift once again in front of
The same scene my father eye’s drifted to
The same hopes my mother dreamed of
The same dreams my body longs for
Known by the rocking
Lulling
Drifting
Of time’s unmerciless wrath
Spaces long deserted
Except for the drifting between veils
Of long ago memories
Abandoned on the shorelines
Of life
A brilliant white boat will hold me this summer. I need her to take me back to where I can drift for hours taking in the same landscapes I did as a child. I long to take her to the very spot my father did when I would skip my hand along cool water and weigh anchor, and drift for days on end. Through dark of night, and endless day spent hiding from brilliant rays and a world left behind. To grieve until my tears overflow her gunnels with the things I want to run in pigtailed ways to share with excitement, glee and the deep misery that only a child can share so fully. I long to stare at islands until they remind me of long forgotten voices. Of moments when time stood still. Of standing at the edge of things. The end of splintered docks until the sun stole her heat from my skin and up the stairs I would climb to dream of another day. I dream. Of another day. When my fingertips touch across the veil for which I long for. Where dreams tumble through eternity in a ancestral way. Long lost across the landscapes of time.
As I write I am companioned in a beautiful lulling way by Hauser’s music. I am grateful for the gift of it and all the music that somehow moves feeling and memories along the pathways of our bodies, hearts, and souls.
